Poseidon- ***1/2

Perhaps I only liked this movie because I expected it to be terrible. Or perhaps I liked it just because I love a good disaster movie. Either way, I liked Poseidon. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not a good movie. The script is weak, the effects are so-so (as typical of Wolfgang Peterson), the acting ranges from typical to lame, and the plot is sheer nonsense. But, does anyone expect anything more?

Poseidon is a remake of the 1972’s The Poseidon Adventure, where Gene Hackman and Ernest Borgnine argue a lot in an upside-down boat. It plays out like a strange carbon-copy of the original- being a completely different movie but managing to hit all the same plot points. In terms of changes, the script does away with the arguing, making the two main characters a suave gambler (Josh Lucas) and the ex-mayor of New York (Kurt Russell). I liked that instead of Gene Hackman’s priest having an inexplicable knowledge of boats, Josh Lucas was once in the Navy, so he “knows boats.” Because the Navy always travels around in luxury liners, I guess. Where the remake shares plot points with the original, the script updates them to ridiculous 21st Century extremes. For example, the one living crew member still dies by falling down a large shaft. Only, instead of Roddy MacDowell falling into boiling water, we have Freddie Rodriguez falling onto jagged metal…and then being crushed by a falling elevator…and THEN being blown up. Trust me, it’s very funny.

All of this makes for fun, claustrophobic entertainment…as long as you don’t think about anything. Ever. Wolfgang Peterson knows a little something about underwater escapades, since he directed the great German mini-series/film Das Boot, about a U-Boat crew during WWII. While Poseidon more resembles the last hour of Titanic then a sober character study of desperate men, Peterson seems to be in his element. In fact, this is the first Peterson movie I’ve liked since Das Boot came out over twenty years ago. You were due, man.

We all know the plot- huge luxury cruise liner is hit by a giant wave and tipped upside down. A small group of survivors must then adventure up to the bottom of the boat to try and find a way out. While the characters were a much more developed in the original, the new one has its share of fun. Josh Lucas is great, as usual (come on, he even made Stealth watchable), ditto Kurt Russell and Emmy Rossum. Welcome surprises are Richard Dreyfuss playing an older, gay man, and Kevin Dillon playing…well, Kevin Dillon. Andre Braugher is a decent captain, but come on, he’s no match for the original’s deadly serious Leslie Neilson. And the original’s whiny lead singer (who seemed to only know one Carpenter’s song), has been split into two characters- a whiny Latina, and Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. Fergie also gets to Will Smithishly sing the closing credits song, which has the most Bon Jovi lyrics this side of Poison (I will be your journey, and you will be my boat…yes, for real…).

I probably wasn’t supposed to, but I laughed a lot watching this movie. I believe I even clapped couple times. It comes off as almost of parody of disaster movies, and honestly is over way too soon. At only 90 minutes, I felt like the movie had at least one more good explosion or drowning left in it. If you like watching people run away from water, fire, and falling debris, you’re going to have some fun at Poseidon. If you’re someone who wants a little time, care, thought, etc, in your disaster movies…well, you’d do best to stay far, far away.

United 93- ****

The best thing I can say about United 93 is that it wasn’t what I expected it to be at all. When I heard about it I could only assume that, like all historical tragedies, it had been turned into a special effects event movie. And while I am generalizing (Bruckheimer hasn’t gotten his hands on the slaughter of the Cathars yet), I found this idea distasteful. I do not agree with the idea that it’s “too soon” to make a movie, especially if it is done well. But I do hate the way we’ve turned 9/11 has been changed from a tragic warning to a buzzword for fear and obedience.

This is why United 93 is a good movie. It takes the propaganda out of the story and shows us exactly what happened that day. There are no frills, no effects, no patriotic one-liners and no talk-whispered monologue about patriotism. It’s a straight story about ordinary people who became heroes as best they could.

Director Paul Greengrass started his career doing documentaries, and he knows that building to a violent and insulting climax is pointless. We know there’s only one way for the movie to end. Instead, Greengrass gives us a sparse, realistic view of the day. He hops back and forth from the passengers and terrorists (both are given equal time) on United 93 to the air traffic controllers on the ground (most of whom play themselves). His jerky camera movements, which were so annoying in The Bourne Supremacy, make perfect sense here. Greengrass does a great job of putting you on the plane, so when it all goes down, you feel there, and that has more impact than any patriotic soliloquy.

The movie does slip a bit when it focuses on the air traffic controllers. The confusion that works so well on the plane comes off as sloppy on the ground. I think this is what Greengrass was going for, but the immediacy is lost. After being bounced through several different air traffic towers, rooms and military instillations, we start to lose focus. This weighs the movie down a little, especially in the second half. But the good part of all of this is that Greengrass never begins laying blame. As the danger becomes more immediate, we see that the mistakes made that day were not due to anyone’s particular incompetence. They were trying, but there were real stakes and protocols to follow. It was real life, and there was no magic Jack Bauer to come and save the day.

United 93 is a sober, respectful view of a horrifying event in our history. It is a movie that will probably not hold up to later generations, or maybe even repeat viewings (but it’s also not a movie you’ll want to watch over and over again), but is definitely not “too soon.” Now is the perfect time for this movie, to remind us of what really happened and what people really gave their lives for. I applaud the filmmakers for not having to add a love story, or CGI effects. Not to mention having the guts to give the terrorists actual personalities and motivations instead of making them faceless, evil enemies. Even if the documentary style holds the film back a little, it was the only way it could have been done. So far, this is the best movie of 2006.

But, of course, I haven’t seen Poseidon yet…